Biblical Child Discipline

Here is the last part of the sermon on disciplining children. I did not have the time in the sermon to address it thoroughly, so here are the types of discipline found in the bible and the verses from the bible showing when and how they were used by God when disciplining His children.

Types of Discipline
A. Rebuke
1. Most people vent their frustrations at another and call this a rebuke, but this is not the correct usage - Leviticus 19:17
2. Rebukes are scoldings or warnings geared to improve a person - Colossians 1:28-29 Most of the Old Testament is filled with God’s rebuke of His people Israel. The Prophets primary job was to rebuke. They scolded what was currently happening and then warned what would happen if it did not stop!
3. The words can be stinging (i.e. hurt the person’s feelings) - Titus 1:13
4. Rebukes not only help the person being scolded, those who overhear also learn - I Timothy 5:20
5. It may hurt to hear, but later the one rebuked will admit that it was what he needed to hear - Proverbs 28:23
6. It improves the person - Proverbs 25:11-12
B. Spanking (Rod)
If you’ve heard it once you’ve heard it 1,000 times – “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” But is that really in the Bible? Well, yes and no. Technically, that exact phrase is not in the Scriptures. But the principle is found in Proverbs 13:24: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Other verses support the same principle, such as……”The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.” (Proverbs 29:15)…”Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22: 15)Without a doubt, the “rod” is an effective tool for making sure our children grow up biblically, spiritually and emotionally healthy. Nothing works like the “rod.”But to what does the “rod” refer? What exactly is meant by this word? Is this an exact reference to a tool we use to physically discipline (i.e., spank), or is it an overarching umbrella for child discipline?In the Old Testament, “rod” has two primary meanings”: one of correction/judgment and one of protection/comfort. For instance, it was the “rod” of God that was David’s comfort in Psalm 23, but is was also the “rod” of God that was used to protect him from injustice at the hands of his enemies in Psalms 2 and 89.Just as interesting is the fact that the word “rod” also pictures authority in the Old Testament, as in Moses’ rod and Aaron’s rod. No doubt a “rod” was the staff of authority for a shepherd, his tool to correct/judge as well as protect/comfort.Oddly enough, the word “rod” is only found six times in the New Testament. Of these six references, four of them are about judgment, one deals with authority, and the other is a simile for comparison purposes. None refer to any parent-child relationship. In fact, the New Testament more commonly uses words such as “nurture”, “train”, “discipline” and “admonition” when referring to the parent-child relationship.So what’s a parent to make of all this? When the entire usage of the word “rod” is considered, a clear principle stands out: It is the role of the parent to exercise his or her biblical authority for the express purpose of correcting and protecting their children. The “rod” is the verbal and biblical symbol – the word picture – of all those elements summarized.To be sure, a parent may use their “rod” and spank when appropriate. But it is for the purpose of correction, not because the word “rod” means we have no other option than to whip a child into subjection. Extreme literalists often argue that the word “rod” leaves us no other option but to spank. Yet, the very same reasoning can be used to show the exact opposite. For instance, does the use of the word “rod” in Psalm 23 leave no option but to comfort with the same tool we used to correct? Are we bound by the Bible to use the “rod” when our child is scared or nervous just as we would when he or she is disobedient? After all, didn’t David use the same exact word to talk about how God comforts him? Should we, then, approach our fearful child who just woke up from a bad dream with the paddle? Of course not!Furthermore, to assume the word “rod” always means we must spank is to overlook the use of synonyms in Hebrew poetry. Synonyms were used often in Jewish poetry to emphasize a point or drive home a conclusion. Such is the case in most of the references in Psalms and Proverbs, where “rod” is associated with a number of various elements in discipline, such as “rule” (Psalm 110), “correction” (Proverbs 23), “chastening” (Proverbs 13), as well as “whip” and “bridle” (Proverbs 26).

So to sum it all up, the “rod” can definitely be an object used in physical discipline, but that is not the extent of its meaning. Just as God uses many different ways to discipline us and bring us back into righteousness, we are to use the “authority” or “rod” given to us biblically to parent our children with wisdom. The bible speaks of the shepherd’s rod and it is an actual rod or staff. The staff in the hand of the shepherd declares his authority over those sheep. He will use it in one case to startle the sheep by banging it on the ground in front of them to get there attention, and in another case he might have to apply it to their backside if they are being particularly stubborn. This same Staff is used to protect the sheep from predators as well. We are called by God to use our “rod” (authority as parents) in an appropriate way at all times. It is never to be used in anger or to inflict physical damage. But only for the benefit of the child. Now as far as what ages are appropriate for spanking; it is widely accepted that it should not be done prior to 14 months of age or much after age 10. The idea is that babies do not have the capability to understand willful disobedience, which is the primary reason for spanking, and preteens and teenagers typically respond to spanking in negatively angry ways that can lead to hard heartedness, rather than change of behavior. Each child is different so use this as a guideline for your home.

1. God punishes with rod and stripes (i.e. painful experience) - Psalm 89:30-34 hastening can be painful - Hebrews 12:11
3. To drive out foolishness - Proverbs 22:15
4. For those who don’t think - Proverbs 10:13
5. Instills respect - Hebrews 12:7
6. Properly administered spankings won’t cause permanent harm - Proverbs 23:13-14
7. Needs to be combined with rebuke - Proverbs 29:15
a. Rebukes give the reason why. Spanking gives a consequence.

A caution about state laws on spanking: No state in America has a ban on spanking, however, they do have different ideas as to what is a spanking and what is abuse. Fifteen Nations have completely outlawed spanking, and two American states are trying to; California & Massachusetts. Half of all the states do have a ban on spankings being given by anyone other that the legal parent! So watch out babysitters and grandparents. MO is not one of them.
C. Confiscation of goods or removal of privileges
1. In list - Ezra 7:26
2. God used this to take away Israel’s wealth that they were spending on false gods - Jeremiah 5:7-9
a. The idols were destroyed and Israel’s wealth was carted away
3. Effective if item used to commit the “crime” is removed.
a. For example, if a son takes the family car and stays too late, it is appropriate to remove driving privileges
b. If a teen is involved in drugs, they shouldn’t have access to things that make gaining drugs easier, such as a cell phone.
4. Also effective to establish what is necessary verses luxury
D. Repayment
1. Used for crimes that cause monetary harm to others - Exodus 22:4-6
2. Repayment should be more than what was stolen or damaged
3. Use for stealing, property damage, damage due to neglect or carelessness. Brandon at the drive in theater (broke chain)
4. Work
a. A form of repayment is to do work to repay the debt, especially if no monetary means of repayment is available - Exodus 22:1-3
b. Israel used temporary slavery to handle bad debts. As Israelite gave up to six years of service - Exodus 21:2
c. God used it for Israel’s sins when He sent them into captivity - Isaiah 50:1
(1) 70 years for each Sabbath year not kept - II Chronicles 36:20-21
d. Note that work doesn’t have to be given to the one whom the debt is owed.
(1) Hence, “community service” can be an appropriate punishment
E. Shame
1. This is not often thought of, but it is very effective, especially with teenagers who are easily embarrassed
2. God used shame to correct Israel
a. Exposure of sins (nakedness) - Isaiah 47:3; Jeremiah 13:26-27; Nahum 3:5-6
b. Shame not easily forgotten - Jeremiah 23:40
3. Daniel confessed that Israel’s shame was due to their sins - Daniel 9:7-8
F. Imprisonment
1. In list - Ezra 7:26
2. Popular today – usually called “time out,” sending a child to his room, or grounding a child.
3. Example: God having Israel wander in the wilderness for 40 years - Numbers 14:33
4. Effective on a social child or a child who sought trouble to gain attention.
5. Also delay receiving what is desired.
a. A child violates curfew to be with friends, then grounding for a period of time not only takes away freedom, but also access to the cause of the problem.
G. Banishment
1. In list - Ezra 7:26
2. It is a rejection of misbehavior - Proverbs 14:32
3. This is what the church uses when withdrawing from wayward members - I Corinthians 5:13
4. Necessary when a child’s actions can cause harm to the rest of the family, either by violence or by younger children learning from the wayward child.
a. A teen goes off to college and moves in with her boyfriend. The response is a complete cutting off of all funding. If they want to be independent of parent’s rules, they are independent of parent’s support.
H. Examples:
1. The punishment of David for his sin with Bathsheba
a. Rebuke - “You are the man!” - II Samuel 12:7-8
b. Rod - “The sword shall never depart” - II Samuel 12:9-10
(1) Note paring with the sin of having Uriah killed with a sword
c. Shame - “I will take your wives before your eyes” - II Samuel 12:11-12
(1) A secret sin is made open
d. Confiscation - Death of the child - II Samuel 12:14
(1) No benefits from the sin
IV. Applying punishment
A. Just
1. More pleasant to be punished by the righteous - Psalm 141:5
2. Not in anger, but justly - Jeremiah 10:24
a. Where God does not sin, man makes mistakes in anger - James 1:19-20
b. Fear that in anger, punishment might be over applied
c. God’s punishment is always just - Nehemiah 9:33
3. Sins not overlooked - Jeremiah 30:11
4. Adjusted to what was done
a. Repay - Isaiah 65:6
5. But probably less than what is deserved - Ezra 9:13
B. Consistent
1. God punishes all sins - Amos 3:2
2. It doesn’t matter who sinned - Romans 2:8-9
3. It doesn’t matter how long - Exodus 34:7
4. This is a mistake many parents make
a. If one or two corrections don’t end the misdeed, it “obviously” doesn’t work, so they search for something different instead of deciding whether what is done is just or fair or a proper deterrent
(1) For some children, they will always push the limits.
(2) They have a hard time restricting their own behavior, but they draw comfort from a limit being there.
b. Worse are those who punish only when convenient.
c. Punishing only when sufficiently angry or frustrated
(1) Many children know exactly when the limit is. They continue their behavior until they see the limit is nearing.
C. Promptly
1. Proverbs 13:24 - Love means prompt punishment
2. Ezra 7:26 - Speedy punishment
3. Discipline while there is hope - Proverbs 19:18
a. There is a limited window of opportunity
b. Wait too long and punishment is not connected with crime
c. Wait too long and period of enjoyment that might be considered worth having even if punishment later comes
d. Wait too long and child becomes hardened to sin
e. Wait too long and child is no longer trainable
D. Appropriate
1. Throughout we have been noting how the punishment is matched to the crime
2. It helps in remembering the misdeed is wrong
E. Giving choice - I Chronicles 21:11-14
1. Notice severity is balanced by time

Please feel free to discuss this message and its contents with the leave comment option for this article. I will dialog with you as best I can.